In the order named, these are the hardest to control: Wine, Women, and Song.
Franklin P. Adams
R-E-M-O-R-S-E!
Those dry Martinis did the work for me;
Last night at twelve I felt immense,
Today I feel like thirty cents.
My eyes are bleared, my coppers hot,
I'll try to eat, but I cannot.
It is no time for mirth and laughter,
The cold, grey dawn of the morning after.
George Ade
I love a Martini,
said Mabel,
I only have two at the most,
After three, I am under the table,
After four, I am under my host.
A Christmas Cracker
Anonymous
If the soup had been as warm as the wine, and the wine as old as the fish, and the fish as
young as the maid, and the maid as willing as the hostess, it would have been a very good meal.
BBC Radio Quote ... Unquote
Anonymous
I only drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.
Brendan Behan
Most British statesmen have either drunk too much or womanised too much. I never fell into the second category.
George Brown
One evening in October, when I was one-third sober,
An' taking home a load
with manly pride;
My poor feet began to stutter, so I lay down in the gutter,
And a pig came up an' lay down by my side;
Then we sang It's all fair weather when good fellows get together,
Till a lady passing by was heard to say:
You can tell a man who boozes
by the company he chooses
And the pig got up and slowly walked away.
Benjamin Hapgood Burt
My country, right or wrong
is a thing no patriot would ever think of saying
except in a desperate case. It is like saying, My mother, drunk or sober.
G. K. Chesterton
When I was younger, I made it a rule never to take a strong drink before lunch. It is now my rule never to do so before breakfast.
Winston Churchill
My heart to thy heart,
My hand to thine,
My lips to thy lips,
Kisses are wine ...
Paul Dunbar
A man shouldn't fool with booze until he's fifty; then he's a damn fool if he doesn't.
William Faulkner
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
W. C. Fields
Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine. Have I tried it? Um, probably in one of my drunken stupors.
Remarks to reporters on November 5, 2013.
Rob Ford
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.
Clement Freud
Wine hath drowned more men than the sea.
Thomas Fuller
It's the classic case of being at the party too early. Nobody was there yet
and nobody had had a drink. By the time we got there, the party was raging.
Mark Getty
I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.
Stonewall Jackson
Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
John XXIII
Drink to me only with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine;
Or leave a kiss but in the cup
And I'll not look for wine.
Ben Jonson
What's the use of getting sober, when you're gonna get drunk again?
Louis Jordan
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the
stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing. At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a
sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in.
C. S. Lewis
Prohibition makes you want to cry in your beer, and denies you the beer to cry into.
Don Marquis
Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whisky makes it go round twice as fast.
Compton Mackenzie
I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark.
H. L. Mencken
Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
Ogden Nash
Not drunk is he who from the floor
Can rise alone and still drink more;
But drunk is he who prostrate lies,
Without the power to drink or rise.
Thomas Love Peacock
There are two reasons for drinking: one is, when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it.
Thomas Love Peacock
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller.
George Bernard Shaw
F. E. Smith:
He was drunk as a judge.
Judge:
The expression as I have always understood it is sober as a judge.
Perhaps you mean as drunk as a lord
?
F. E. Smith:
Yes, my lord.
F. E. Smith
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Dylan Thomas
I don't have a drink problem except when I can't get one.
Tom Waits
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine. Have I tried it? Um, probably in one of my drunken stupors.
Remarks to reporters on November 5, 2013.
Rob Ford
Words must surely be counted among the most powerful drugs man ever invented.
Leo Rosten
Men's natures are alike; it is their habits that carry them apart.
Confucius
Life is a series of baby steps along the way and if you add up these tiny little steps you take toward your
goal, whatever it is, whether it's giving up something, a terrible addiction or trying to work your way through an
illness. When you total up those baby steps you'd be amazed over the course of 10 years, the strides you've taken.
Hoda Kotb
Powerful indeed is the empire of habit.
Publilius Syrus
Piano
At 66 Sandringham Crescent
an upright piano was being eased down
a long flight of stairs by three men
all wearing off-white overalls.
Backward, staccato, two stepped
descending
one
stair
at
a
time
till the taller of the two men
began to collapse in slow
slow slow motion
and the piano
leapt
to the hallway's rising floor
crashing its memories of music:
simple tunes such as 3 Blind Mice,
as well as great meaningful sonatas
of profundity and faraway,
into a scattered anarchic jigsaw
of free-loving volatile
meaningless sounds
fading
till the stricken piano
lost its memory entirely.
After the ambulance arrived (too late)
one removal man lit a cigarette
and sensing the wide-awake stare
of the householder
tapped the grey ash, with great delicacy,
into the cupped hollow of his left hand.
Running Late
Dannie Abse
There are plenty of good five cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter.
Franklin P. Adams
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it Chops
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it Autumn
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.
Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it Innocence: A Question
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it Absolutely Nothing
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Stephen Chbosky
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.
Clement Freud
I understand, of course, that many people find smoking objectionable. That is their right. I would, I assure you, be the very last to criticize the
annoyed. I myself find many - even most - things objectionable. Being offended is the natural consequence of leaving one's home. I do not like aftershave
lotion, adults who roller-skate, children who speak French, or anyone who is unduly tan. I do not, however, go around enacting legislation and putting up
signs. In private I avoid such people; in public they have the run of the place. I stay at home as much as possible, and so should they. When it is necessary,
however, to go out of the house, they must be prepared, as I am, to deal with the unpleasant personal habits of others. That is what public
means.
Fran Lebowitz
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Mark Twain
It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep and never to refrain when awake.
Mark Twain
More than one cigar at a time is excessive smoking.
Mark Twain
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did; I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times.
Mark Twain
