Born: November 15, 1881
Birthplace: Chicago, Illinois, U.S.A.
Died: March 23, 1960
Occupation: Author, Columnist, and Humorist
Profile: Best known for The Conning Tower.
Number of Quotes: 18
Christmas is over and Business is Business.
Count that day won when, turning on its axis, this earth imposes no additional taxes.
Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody.
Having imagination it takes you an hour to write a paragraph that if you were unimaginative would take you only a minute.
Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is the best time of the year.
I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.
In the order named, these are the hardest to control: Wine, Women, and Song.
Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.
The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.
The true republic: men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less.
There are plenty of good five cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter.
There must be a day or two in a man's life when he is the precise age for something important.
Too much truth is uncouth.
We have nothing in our history or position to invite aggression; we have everything to beckon us to the cultivation of relations of peace and amity with all nations.
What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
Years ago we discovered the exact point the dead center of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
You do not know what you can miss before you try.