Born: May 31, 1894
Birthplace: Cambridge, Massachussetts, U.S.A.
Died: March 17, 1956
Occupation: Comedian and Radio Personality
Profile: Self-educated, extraordinarily well read and perhaps the best comic writer in the history of radio.
Number of Quotes: 9
A celebrity is one who works hard all his life to become well-known and then goes through back streets wearing dark glasses so he won't be recognized.
A conference is a gathering of important people who, singly, can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 a.m. and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 p.m. to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
Television - a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Television is a new medium, and I have discovered why it's called a new medium - because nothing is well done.
Was she old? When they lit all the candles on her birthday cake, six people were overcome with the heat.