A celebrity is one who works hard all his life to become well-known and then goes through back streets wearing dark glasses so he won't be recognized.
A conference is a gathering of important people who, singly, can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 a.m. and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 p.m. to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
If you look at films about becoming a man, coming-of-age movies are made with 12-, 16-, 40-, 50-year-olds... For a guy to feel like he's a 100 percent grown-up is almost like giving up. Like admitting that you're on your way into the grave.
Beauty comes in all sizes - not just size 5.
Life, you know, is rather like opening a tin of sardines. We're all of us looking for the key.
All the pictures that hung in my memory before I knew you have faded and given place to our radiant moments together. Now I cannot live apart from you ... Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me.
Words are so futile, so feeble.
When he said we were trying to make a fool of him, I could only murmur that the Creator had beat us to it.
If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play.
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten-pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
The thing that best defines a child is the total inability to receive information from anything not plugged in.
To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Never give a sucker an even break.
A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
Life is very insistent; and it always seems to be so when friends sadly leave us.
My momma always said, life was like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get.
For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
I don't think that work ever really destroyed anybody. I think that lack of work destroys them a hell of a lot more.
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
Being in jail is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. During the past several days, I have had a lot of time to think and I believe that I am learning and growing from this experience ... I would hope going forward that the public and the media will focus on more important things like the men and women serving our country in Iraq and other places around the world.
I'd love to make a movie with Tom Hardy. If we ever got the chance to make a Venom movie together, that would be super-cool, but his movie would have to take place in the MCU because I'm not giving up my ticket in the MCU.
If you haven't struck oil in your first three minutes, stop boring!
When I appear in public, people expect me to neigh, grind my teeth, paw the ground, and swish my tail.
It is a characteristic of committee discussions and decisions that every member has a vivid recollection of them and that every member's recollection differs violently from every other member's recollection.
I grew up with a lot of brothers and sisters. I did all I could do to really stand out and that nurtured a lot of confidence and drive and ambition.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Show me the man who has enjoyed his schooldays and I will show you a bully and a bore.
There are interesting failures. There are prestige failures, and there are financial failures, but this is the sort of failure that gives failures a bad name.
A woman is like a teabag. It's only when she's in hot water that you realize how strong she is.
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it.
I don't make jokes; I just watch the government and report the facts.
Outside of traffic, there is nothing that has held this country back as much as committees.
You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.
Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.
You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.
The only thing that endures is character. Fame and wealth - all that is illusion.
I think giving up people is a difficult thing.
You see yourself as a good product that sits on a shelf and sells well, and people make a lot of money out of you.
What winning is to me is not giving up, is no matter what's thrown at me, I can take it. And I can keep going.
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first.
We used to have lots of questions to which there were no answers. Now, with the computer, there are lots of answers to which we haven't thought up the questions.
Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called inbreeding, from which comes idiot children and more lawyers.
Never burn bridges. Today's junior prick, tomorrow's senior partner.
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
I've met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.
I believe in my own possibilities, and I feel I can do it all.
I was like a hit album waiting to be released. I knew my day would come.
If money is your motivation, forget it.
The greatest contribution you can make to women's rights, is to be the absolute ... best at what you do.
Though I am grateful for the blessings of wealth, it hasn't changed who I am. My feet are still on the ground. I'm just wearing better shoes.
I'd like to introduce you to some friends of mine. I want to break off with them.
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts eating.
My wife wanted her face lifted. They couldn't do that. But for $80, they lowered her body.
Now she's on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight. But she can climb a tree!
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.