Born: July 29, 1878
Birthplace: Walnut, Illinois, U.S.A.
Died: December 29, 1937
Occupation: Author, Humorist, and Journalist
Profile: Best known for Archy and Mehitabel.
Number of Quotes: 20
A hypocrite is a person who - but who isn't?
A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control. If you are not honest at all everybody hates you, and if you are absolutely honest you get martyred.
I have noticed that when chickens quit quarreling over their food, they often find that there is enough for all of them. I wonder if it might not be the same with the human race.
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think, they'll hate you.
It is a cheering thought to think that God is on the side of the best digestion.
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
My heart hath followed all my days
Something I cannot name.
Now and then there is a person born who is so unlucky that he runs into accidents, which started to happen to somebody else.
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Prohibition makes you want to cry in your beer, and denies you the beer to cry into.
Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in your subordinates.
Some persons are likable in spite of their unswerving integrity.
Successful people are the ones who can think up stuff for the rest of the world to keep busy at.
There is always a comforting thought in time of trouble when it is not our trouble.