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Famous Speeches           All Topics Fill-In Quotations

  Fact (3)
'Tis strange - but true; for truth is always strange; Stranger than fiction.
George Byron

Accountants and market researchers may be brilliant at examining and analysing facts about the past, but they have no forward vision.
Terence Conran

Administrative purpose usually outruns the facts. Indeed the administrative official's ardor for facts usually begins when he wants to change the facts!
Mary Parker Follett

  Failure (23)
By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it's difficult to sort them out.
Scott Adams

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
Samuel Beckett

Accounting issues did not cause Enron's stock price to fall - its failed business model did.
Joseph Berardino

Start with your own money and value your intuition. It's all about endurance in the beginning. Your dream and passion to succeed must be stronger than your fear of failure.
Terri Bowersock

Victory has a hundred fathers, but no one wants to recognise defeat as his own.
Galeazzo Ciano

'Tis better to have fought and lost,
Than never to have fought at all.

Arthur Hugh Clough

The most common cause of executive failure is inability or unwillingness to change with the demands of a new position. The executive who keeps on doing what he has done successfully before is almost bound to fail.
Peter Drucker

Those who invest only to get rich will fail. Those who invest to help others will probably succeed.
Art Fry

You can only stumble if you're moving.
Roberto Goizueta

Man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed but not defeated.
Ernest Hemingway

Our achievements speak for themselves. What we have to keep track of are our failures, discouragements, and doubts. We tend to forget the past difficulties, the many false starts, and the painful groping.
Eric Hoffer

The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.
Robert G. Ingersoll

Only aim to do your duty, and mankind will give you credit where you fail.
Thomas Jefferson

I would sooner fail than not be among the greatest.
John Keats

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
Robert F. Kennedy

Observing your own and your competitor's successes and failures makes your inner business voice more sure and vivid.
Estée Lauder

You've got to learn to survive a defeat. That's when you develop character.
Richard Nixon

Avoid having your ego so close to your position that, when your position fails, your ego goes with it.
Colin Powell

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in that grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt

It is hard to fail; but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.
Beverly Sills

Failure is the foundation of success; success is the lurking place of failure.
Lao Tzu

When the rate of change outside exceeds the rate of change inside, the end is in sight.
Jack Welch

  Fairness (5)
He never wants anything but what's right and fair; only when you come to settle what's right and fair, it's everything that he wants and nothing that you want. And that's his idea of a compromise.
Thomas Hughes

Philanthropy is commendable, but it must not cause the philanthropist to overlook the circumstances of economic injustice which make philanthropy necessary.
Martin Luther King Jr.

Ordinary people may not understand the meaning of democracy but they've a passionate regard for fair play.
Robert Maxwell

If the parties will at my hands call for justice, then, all were it my father stood on the one side, and the devil on the other, his cause being good, the devil should have right.
Thomas More

I doubt if there is any occupation which is more consistently and unfairly demeaned, degraded, denounced, and deplored than banking.
William Proxmire

  Fame (12)
A celebrity is one who works hard all his life to become well-known and then goes through back streets wearing dark glasses so he won't be recognized.
Fred Allen

A test of whether you have achieved true fame is when a deranged person believes himself to be you.
Anonymous

Physicians of the Utmost Fame
Were called at once; but when they came
They answered, as they took their Fees,
There is no cure for this disease.

Hilaire Belloc

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
George Byron

Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is what others think you are.
Dale Carnegie

History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
Winston Churchill

A man must love a thing very much if he not only practices it without any hope of fame and money, but even... without any hope of doing it well.
Oliver Herford

Your legacy should be that you made it better than it was when you got it.
Lee Iacocca

Fame is the spur that the clear spirit doth raise
(That last infirmity of noble mind)
To scorn delights, and live laborious days.

John Milton

For the whole Earth is the Sepulchre of famous men; and their story is not graven only on Stone over their native earth, but lives on far away, without visible symbol, woven into the stuff of other men's lives.
Pericles

The only thing that endures is character. Fame and wealth - all that is illusion.
O. J. Simpson

When you retire ... you go from who's who to who's that, like stepping off the pier (or) achieving statutory senility.
Walter Wriston

  Famous Sayings (19)
If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainty.
Francis Bacon

It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations ... The quotations when engraved upon the memory give you good thoughts. They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.
Winston Churchill

There is no education like adversity.
Benjamin Disraeli

Only the educated are free.
Epictetus

Remember that time is money.
Benjamin Franklin

I am captivated more by dreams of the future than by history of the past.
Thomas Jefferson

A decent provision for the poor is the true test of civilization.
Samuel Johnson

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.
John F. Kennedy

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
Nelson Mandela

You've got to learn to survive a defeat. That's when you develop character.
Richard Nixon

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike.
Theodore Roosevelt

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.
George Bernard Shaw

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Lao Tzu

A leader is best when people barely know that he exists.
Less good when they obey and acclaim him.
Worse when they fear and despise him.
Fail to honor people, and they fail to honor you.
But of a good leader, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
they will say, We did this ourselves.

Lao Tzu

Wise men don't need to prove their point; men who need to prove their point aren't wise.
Lao Tzu

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
Oscar Wilde

Character is a by-product; it is produced in the great manufacture of daily duty.
Woodrow Wilson

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.
William Butler Yeats

  Fantasy (2)
You see, Wendy, when the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.
J. M. Barrie

Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten.
G. K. Chesterton

  Fashion (14)
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
Fred Allen

What the brassière said to the top hat: You go on ahead while I give these two a lift.
Anonymous

Clothes are our weapons, our challenges, and our visible insult.
Angela Carter

The sense of being well-dressed gives a feeling of inward tranquility which religion is powerless to bestow.
Miss C. F. Forbes

Only men who are not interested in women are interested in women's clothes; men who like women never notice what they wear.
Anatole France

I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
Lillian Hellman

A man has his clothes made to fit him; a woman makes herself fit her clothes.
E. W. Howe

Haute Couture should be fun, foolish, and almost unwearable.
Christian Lacroix

When a woman is wearing shorts her charms are enlarged without being enhanced.
Beverley Nichols

We Bishops, in our proper dress, originated the mini-skirt. But we allowed Mary Quant to steal the thunder and make three million quid out of it last year.
Victor J. Pike

Fashion is something barbarous for it produces innovation without reason and imitation without benefit.
George Santayana

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
Mark Twain

I like to dress egos.
Gianni Versace

Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear.
Oscar Wilde

  Fat (2)
Imprisoned in every fat man a thin one is wildly signalling to be let out.
Cyril Connolly

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men, and his aversion to lean ones.
David Hume

  Fate (3)
When a person is born, he can embark on only one of three roads of life: if you go right, the wolves will eat you; if you go left, you'll eat the wolves; if you go straight, you'll eat yourself.
Anton Chekhov

Fate is not satisfied with inflicting one calamity.
Publilius Syrus

If you can't change your fate change your attitude.
Amy Tan

  Fault (5)
It was partially my fault that we got divorced ... I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen

Women's faults are many
Men have only two:
Everything they say
And everything they do.

Anonymous

To be angry is to revenge the faults of others on ourselves.
Alexander Pope

If we had no faults, we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others.
François de La Rochefoucauld

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.
Mark Twain

  Fear (26)
There is no fear in love; but
perfect love casteth out fear: be-
cause fear hath torment. He that
feareth is not made perfect in
love.

I John 4:18, King James Version
Holy Bible

He who fears being conquered is certain of defeat.
Napoléon Bonaparte

No coward soul is mine, no trembler in the world's storm-troubled sphere; I see heaven's glories shine, and faith shines equal, arming me from fear.
Emily Brontë

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.
Marie Curie

My father was frightened of his mother; I was frightened of my father, and I am damned well going to see to it that my children are frightened of me.
George V

I believe in the value of paranoia. Business success contains the seeds of its own destruction. The more successful you are, the more people want a chunk of your business and then another chunk and then another until there is nothing left.
Andrew Grove

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Frank Herbert

Others appear frozen in the headlights - aware of the likely impact, yet paralysed by the fear of major transformations.
Patricia Hewitt

The real haves are they who can acquire freedom, self-confidence, and even riches without depriving others of them. They acquire all of these by developing and applying their potentialities. On the other hand, the real have nots are they who cannot have aught except by depriving others of it. They can feel free only by diminishing the freedom of others, self-confident by spreading fear and dependence among others, and rich by making others poor.
Eric Hoffer

A propensity to hope and joy is real riches; one to fear and sorrow real poverty.
David Hume

Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
William James

Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.
John F. Kennedy

Men often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they can not communicate; they can not communicate because they are separated.
Martin Luther King Jr.

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing. At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in.
C. S. Lewis

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
Nelson Mandela

The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one.
John C. Maxwell

The thing I fear most is fear.
Michel de Montaigne

Courage consists not in hazarding without fear; but being resolutely minded in a just cause.
Plutarch

I'm not afraid of life and I'm not afraid of death: Dying's the bore.
Katherine Anne Porter

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

I died as a mineral and became a plant,
I died as plant and rose to animal,
I died as animal and I was Man.
Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?

Rumi

Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts... perhaps the fear of a loss of power.
John Steinbeck

Valor grows by daring, fear by holding back.
Publilius Syrus

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
Mark Twain

Do not trust the horse, Trojans. Whatever it is, I fear the Greeks even when they bring gifts.
Virgil

  Feedback (3)
No organizational action has more power for motivating employee behavior change than feedback from credible work associates.
Mark R. Edwards

Cheers hearten a man. But jeers are just as essential. They help maintain his sense of balance and proportion.
Jay House

Positive feedback makes the strong grow stronger and the weak grow weaker.
Carl Shapiro

  Feeling (2)
When it's time to make a decision about a person or problem ... trust your intuition ... act.
Bud Hadfield

The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.
Blaise Pascal

  Fight (2)
It is not enough to fight. It is the spirit which we bring to the fight that decides the issue. It is morale that wins the victory.
George Marshall

The man who accepts the laissez-faire doctrine would allow his garden to grow wild so that roses might fight it out with the weeds and the fittest might survive.
John Ruskin

  Finish (2)
How you start is important, but it is how you finish that counts. In the race for success, speed is less important than stamina. The sticker outlasts the sprinter.
Bertie Forbes

Defeat doesn't finish a man - quit does. A man is not finished when he's defeated. He's finished when he quits.
Richard Nixon

  Fire (1)
It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know.
Eleanor Roosevelt

  Firmness (4)
There is no such thing as great talent without great will-power.
Honoré de Balzac

Never make concessions.
Gertrude Stein

Be careful, be cautious, do not rush into negotiations ... be careful what you give away now, you may wish you had not done so should in future the balance of forces turn in your favour.
Oliver Tambo

We shall not be diverted from our course. To those waiting with bated breath for that favourite media catch-phrase, the U-turn, I have only this to say. You turn if you want; the lady's not for turning.
Margaret Thatcher

  Flattery (3)
Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.
Joyce Brothers

We should keep silent about those in power; to speak well of them almost implies flattery; to speak ill of them while they are alive is dangerous, and when they are dead is cowardly.
Jean de La Bruyère

Nothing in this world is harder than speaking the truth, nothing easier than flattery.
Fyodor Dostoevsky

  Fool (12)
By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it's difficult to sort them out.
Scott Adams

Of one thing be certain: if a C.E.O. is enthused about a particularly foolish acquisition, both his internal staff and his outside advisors will come up with whatever projections are needed to justify his stance. Only in fairy tales are emperors told that they are naked.
Warren Buffett

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields

There are only two fools in this world. One is the millionaire who thinks that by hoarding money he can somehow accumulate real power, and the other is the penniless reformer who thinks that if only he can take the money away from one class and give it to another, all the world's ills will be cured.
Henry Ford

Oh, innocent victims of Cupid,
Remember this terse little verse;
To let a fool kiss you is stupid,
To let a kiss fool you is worse.

E. Y. Harburg

An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anything into an empty head.
Eric Hoffer

Talking and eloquence are not the same: to speak, and to speak well, are two things. A fool may talk, but a wise man speaks.
Ben Jonson

If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.
Abraham Lincoln

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain

Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called inbreeding, from which comes idiot children and more lawyers.
David Wayne

I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. I have not one who is a fool. They are all men of some intellectual power, and consequently they all appreciate me.
Oscar Wilde

  Force (3)
When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and your discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.
Patanjali

There is a powerful driving force inside every human being that once unleashed can make any vision, dream, or desire a reality.
Anthony Robbins

You can accomplish by kindness what you cannot by force.
Publilius Syrus

  Forget (6)
Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.
Henry Ward Beecher

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.
Mahatma Gandhi

Three things happen when you get to my age. First your memory starts to go ... and I have forgotten the other two.
Denis Healey

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
John F. Kennedy

Why can we remember the tiniest detail that has happened to us, and not remember how many times we have told it to the same persons?
François de La Rochefoucauld

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.
B. F. Skinner

  Forgive (4)
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.
Mahatma Gandhi

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
John F. Kennedy

If you strike a child, take care that you strike it in anger, even at the risk of maiming it for life. A blow in cold blood neither can nor should be forgiven.
George Bernard Shaw

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.
Oscar Wilde

  Foreign (1)
We rely on skilled foreign workers for their math, science, and creative abilities as well as their cultural knowledge, which helps when localizing products for world markets.
Bill Gates

  Fortune (3)
Diligence is the mother of good fortune, and idleness - its opposite - never brought a man to the goal of any of his best wishes.
Cervantes

Must, bid the Morn awake,
Sad Winter now declines,
Each Bird doth choose a mate,
This day's Saint Valentine's;
For that good Bishop's sake
Get up, and let us see
What Beauty it shall be
That Fortune us assigns.

Michael Drayton

Fortune is like glass - the brighter the glitter, the more easily broken.
Publilius Syrus

  Free (14)
Everybody favours free speech in the slack moments when no axes are being ground.
Heywood Broun

Only the educated are free.
Epictetus

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
Victor Frankl

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
Evelyn Beatrice Hall

I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!
Patrick Henry

The real haves are they who can acquire freedom, self-confidence, and even riches without depriving others of them. They acquire all of these by developing and applying their potentialities. On the other hand, the real have nots are they who cannot have aught except by depriving others of it. They can feel free only by diminishing the freedom of others, self-confident by spreading fear and dependence among others, and rich by making others poor.
Eric Hoffer

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.
John F. Kennedy

We sometimes take for granted the freedom and power of independent thought and action. And only after it's been compromised, do we fully realize how fundamental it is to the pursuit of economic opportunity.
Arthur Levitt

Only free men can negotiate; prisoners cannot enter into contracts. Your freedom and mine cannot be separated.
Nelson Mandela

If we take the term in the strict sense, there never has been a real democracy, and there never will be. It is against the natural order for the many to govern and the few to be governed.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau

What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist.
Salman Rushdie

Freedom of the press in Britain means freedom to print such of the proprietor's prejudices as the advertisers don't object to.
Hannen Swaffer

To accept a favour is to sell one's freedom.
Publilius Syrus

The Khomeini cry for the execution of Rushdie is an infantile cry. From the beginning of time we have seen that. To murder the thinker does not murder the thought.
Arnold Wesker

  Freedom (12)
Everybody favours free speech in the slack moments when no axes are being ground.
Heywood Broun

Only the educated are free.
Epictetus

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
Victor Frankl

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
Evelyn Beatrice Hall

I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!
Patrick Henry

The real haves are they who can acquire freedom, self-confidence, and even riches without depriving others of them. They acquire all of these by developing and applying their potentialities. On the other hand, the real have nots are they who cannot have aught except by depriving others of it. They can feel free only by diminishing the freedom of others, self-confident by spreading fear and dependence among others, and rich by making others poor.
Eric Hoffer

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.
John F. Kennedy

We sometimes take for granted the freedom and power of independent thought and action. And only after it's been compromised, do we fully realize how fundamental it is to the pursuit of economic opportunity.
Arthur Levitt

Only free men can negotiate; prisoners cannot enter into contracts. Your freedom and mine cannot be separated.
Nelson Mandela

If we take the term in the strict sense, there never has been a real democracy, and there never will be. It is against the natural order for the many to govern and the few to be governed.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau

What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist.
Salman Rushdie

The Khomeini cry for the execution of Rushdie is an infantile cry. From the beginning of time we have seen that. To murder the thinker does not murder the thought.
Arnold Wesker

  Friction (1)
Change means movement. Movement means friction.
Saul Alinsky

  Frivolous (1)
If a gentleman is frivolous, he will lose the respect of his inferiors.
Confucius

  Frown (1)
It takes seventy-two muscles to frown, but only thirteen to smile.
Anonymous

  Fun (5)
If you are having as much fun running a big corporation as you did running a piece of it, then you are probably interfering too much with the people who really make it happen.
James E. Burke

You can increase your brain power three to fivefold simply by laughing and having fun before working on a problem.
Doug Hall

The simplest toy, on which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.
Sam Levenson

Winners are people who have fun - and produce results as a result of their zest.
Tom Peters

To run this business ... you need ... optimism, humanism, enthusiasm, intuition, curiosity, love, humour, magic and fun, and that secret ingredient - euphoria.
Anita Roddick

  Funny (189)
A consultant is a person who takes your money and annoys your employees while tirelessly searching for the best way to extend the consulting contract.
Scott Adams

By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it's difficult to sort them out.
Scott Adams

Consultants eventually leave, which makes them excellent scapegoats for major management blunders.
Scott Adams

The biggest change in the workplace of the future will be the widespread realization that having one idiot boss is a much higher risk than having many idiot clients.
Scott Adams

A celebrity is one who works hard all his life to become well-known and then goes through back streets wearing dark glasses so he won't be recognized.
Fred Allen

A conference is a gathering of important people who, singly, can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
Fred Allen

It was partially my fault that we got divorced ... I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Woody Allen

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game.
Anonymous

The codfish lays ten thousand eggs
The homely hen lays one.
The codfish never cackles
To tell you that she's done.
And so we scorn the codfish,
While the humble hen we prize,
Which only goes to show you
That it pays to advertise.

Anonymous

There are three kinds of lie: a small lie, a big lie and politics.
Anonymous

What the brassière said to the top hat: You go on ahead while I give these two a lift.
Anonymous

Managers who are skilled communicators may also be good at covering up real problems.
Chris Argyris

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake.
Margot Asquith

Woe betide the man who dares to pay a woman a compliment today ... Forget the flowers, the chocolates, the soft word - rather woo her with a self-defence manual in one hand and a family planning leaflet in the other.
Alan Ayckbourn

She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on.
Arthur Baer

When you apply the word power to a man, it means strong and bold - very positive attributes. When you use it to describe a woman, it suggests bitchy, insensitive, hard.
Jill Barad

For man's greatest crime is to have been born.
Pedro Calderón de la Barca

Have you noticed ... there is never any third act in a nightmare? They bring you to a climax of terror and then leave you there. They are the work of poor dramatists.
Max Beerbohm

I never sleep through a performance. I always make sure that I am awake for the intermission.
Robert Benchley

Standards are always out of date. That is what makes them standards.
Alan Bennett

Poor fellow, he suffers from files.
Aneurin Bevan

BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think.
Ambrose Bierce

CYNIC, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
Ambrose Bierce

In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us.
Josh Billings

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
Erma Bombeck

Guidelines for bureaucrats: (1) When in charge, ponder. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in doubt, mumble.
James Boren

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.
James Boren

That favourite subject, Myself.
James Boswell

Wall Street is the only place people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from people who take the subway.
Warren Buffett

Our wrangling lawyers ... are so litigious and busy here on earth, that I think they will plead their clients' causes hereafter, some of them in hell.
Robert Burton

Home, Sweet Home must surely have been written by a bachelor.
Samuel Butler

If you are ever in doubt as to whether or not you should kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.
Thomas Carlyle

That's the reason they're called lessons, the Gryphon remarked: because they lessen from day to day.
Lewis Carroll

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too.
Anton Chekhov

History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
Winston Churchill

Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.
William Congreve

Imprisoned in every fat man a thin one is wildly signalling to be let out.
Cyril Connolly

If you don't say anything you won't be called on to repeat it.
Calvin Coolidge

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten-pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper

The thing that best defines a child is the total inability to receive information from anything not plugged in.
Bill Cosby

Lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Leonard Courtney

I can take any amount of criticism, so long as it is unqualified praise.
Noël Coward

Never trust men with short legs. Brains too near their bottoms.
Noël Coward

I would be married, but I'd have no wife, I would be married to a single life.
Richard Crashaw

Running after women never hurt anybody - it's catching 'em that does the damage.
Jack Davies

Whoever loves, if he do not propose
The right true end of love, he's one that goes
To sea for nothing but to make him sick.

John Donne

We are willing to spend the least amount of money to keep a kid at home, more to put him in a foster home, and the most to institutionalize him.
Marian Edelman

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.
Edward VIII

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
Evan Esar

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
Sam Ewing

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.
Sam Ewing

When the meek inherit the earth, lawyers will be there to work out the deal.
Sam Ewing

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields

The books that everybody admires are those that nobody reads.
Anatole France

A single man has not nearly the value he would have in a state of union. He is an incomplete animal. He resembles the odd half of a pair of scissors.
Benjamin Franklin

God heals and the doctor takes the fees.
Benjamin Franklin

He that falls in love with himself, will have no rivals.
Benjamin Franklin

He that lies down with dogs shall rise up with fleas.
Benjamin Franklin

Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
David Frost

Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
Robert Frost

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.
Robert Frost

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's the wife who can't cook and will.
Robert Frost

A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors.
Stephen Fry

It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
Philip Gibbs

Diplomacy is to do and say
The nastiest thing in the nicest way.

Isaac Goldberg

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Samuel Goldwyn

Brain cells create ideas. Stress kills brain cells. Stress is not a good idea.
Doug Hall

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.
Christopher Hampton

My momma always said, life was like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get.
Tom Hanks

Oh, innocent victims of Cupid,
Remember this terse little verse;
To let a fool kiss you is stupid,
To let a kiss fool you is worse.

E. Y. Harburg

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
Richard Harkness

Three things happen when you get to my age. First your memory starts to go ... and I have forgotten the other two.
Denis Healey

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's; she changes it more often.
Oliver Herford

An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anything into an empty head.
Eric Hoffer

A man has his clothes made to fit him; a woman makes herself fit her clothes.
E. W. Howe

A committee is a thing which takes a week to do what one good man can do in an hour.
Elbert Hubbard

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Kin Hubbard

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men, and his aversion to lean ones.
David Hume

The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
Thomas Jefferson

If you haven't struck oil in your first three minutes, stop boring!
George Jessel

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
Samuel Johnson

A speech is a solemn responsibility. The man who makes a bad thirty-minute speech to two hundred people wastes only a half-hour of his own time. But he wastes one hundred hours of the audience's time - more than four days - which should be a hanging offense.
Jenkin Lloyd Jones

Business is like sex. When it's good, it's very, very good; when it's not so good, it's still good.
George Katona

I feel sorry for those who live without competition ... fat, dumb, and unhappy in cradle-to-grave security.
Donald Kendall

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
John F. Kennedy

I don't like to hire consultants. They're like castrated bulls: all they can do is advise.
Victor Kiam

I see nothing wrong with power as long as I am the fellow who has it.
Cecil King

What do you do when your competitor's drowning? Get a live hose and stick it in his mouth.
Ray Kroc

The trouble with marriage is that, while every woman is at heart a mother, every man is at heart a bachelor.
E. V. Lucas

People often feed the hungry so that nothing may disturb their own enjoyment of a good meal.
W. Somerset Maugham

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty and only the pig enjoys himself.
Mark McCormack

In the main, there are two sorts of books: those that no one reads and those that no one ought to read.
H. L. Mencken

Death and taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.
Margaret Mitchell

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
Nancy Mitford

Show me the man who has enjoyed his schooldays and I will show you a bully and a bore.
Robert Morley

No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense, and relatively clean finger nails.
John Mortimer

It has to be admitted that we English have sex on the brain, which is a very unsatisfactory place to have it.
Malcolm Muggeridge

Money is like manure. If you spread it around, it does a lot of good, but if you pile it up in one place, it stinks like hell.
Clint Murchison

Monopoly is a terrible thing, till you have it.
Rupert Murdoch

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.
Ogden Nash

When a woman is wearing shorts her charms are enlarged without being enhanced.
Beverley Nichols

Middle age is when, wherever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater.
Denis Norden

Everywhere I go I am asked if university stifles writers. My opinion is that it doesn't stifle enough of them.
Flannery O'Connor

I feel these days like a very large flamingo. No matter what way I turn, there is always a very large bill.
Joseph O'Connor

Bureaucratic time ... slower than geologic time but more expensive than time spent with Madame Claude's girls in Paris.
P. J. O'Rourke

Dating is a social engagement with the threat of sex at its conclusion.
P. J. O'Rourke

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
P. J. O'Rourke

In 1969 I published a small book on Humility. It was a pioneering work which has not, to my knowledge, been superseded.
Francis Pakenham

By the time you say you're his,
Shivering and sighing
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.

Dorothy Parker

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

Dorothy Parker

I come from an environment where, if you see a snake, you kill it. At General Motors, if you see a snake, the first thing you do is hire a consultant on snakes.
Ross Perot

We Bishops, in our proper dress, originated the mini-skirt. But we allowed Mary Quant to steal the thunder and make three million quid out of it last year.
Victor J. Pike

I'm not afraid of life and I'm not afraid of death: Dying's the bore.
Katherine Anne Porter

In many walks of life, a conscience is a more expensive encumbrance than a wife or a carriage.
Thomas De Quincey
A friend of mine was asked to a costume ball a short time ago. He slapped some egg on his face and went as a liberal economist.
Ronald Reagan

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly beans.
Ronald Reagan

Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it.
Will Rogers

Outside of traffic, there is nothing that has held this country back as much as committees.
Will Rogers

You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.
Will Rogers

A bachelor gets tangled up with a lot of women in order to avoid getting tied up by one.
Helen Rowland

A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.
Helen Rowland

Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.
Helen Rowland

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
Helen Rowland

Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless; peacocks and lilies for instance.
John Ruskin

The man who accepts the laissez-faire doctrine would allow his garden to grow wild so that roses might fight it out with the weeds and the fittest might survive.
John Ruskin

Fashion is something barbarous for it produces innovation without reason and imitation without benefit.
George Santayana

Contract: an agreement that is binding on the weaker party.*
*Attribution questionable.
Frederick Sawyer

There's a time when you have to explain to your children why they're born, and it's a marvelous thing if you know the reason by then.
Hazel Scott

Please return this book; I find that though many of my friends are poor arithmeticians, they are nearly all good bookkeepers.
Walter Scott

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope, which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
Dr. Seuss

The natural term of the affection of the human animal for its offspring is six years.
George Bernard Shaw

What God hath joined together no man shall ever put asunder; God will take care of that.
George Bernard Shaw

What if the child inherits my beauty and your brains?
George Bernard Shaw

I can't stand whispering. Every time a doctor whispers in the hospital, next day there's a funeral.
Neil Simon

Inconsistency is the only thing in which men are consistent.
Horace Smith

Gentlemen, you are now about to embark on a course of studies which will occupy you for two years. Together, they form a noble adventure. But I would like to remind you of an important point. Nothing that you will learn in the course of your studies will be of the slightest possible use to you in after life, save only this, that if you work hard and intelligently you should be able to detect when a man is talking rot, and that, in my view, is the main, if not the sole, purpose of education.
John Alexander Smith

Nothing that you will learn in the course of your studies will be of the slightest possible use to you in after life - save only this - that if you work hard and intelligently you should be able to detect when a man is talking rot, and that, in my view, is the main, if not the sole, purpose of education.
John Alexander Smith

Most people sell their souls and live with a good conscience on the proceeds.
Logan Pearsall Smith

Modesty is the only sure bait when you angle for praise.
Philip Stanhope

The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.
Philip Stanhope

I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
Adlai Stevenson

A diplomat ... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Caskie Stinnett

There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up.
Rex Stout

Family! ... the home of all social evil, a charitable institution for comfortable women, an anchorage for house-fathers, and a hell for children.
August Strindberg

I loathe people who keep dogs. They're cowards who have not got the guts to bite people themselves.
August Strindberg

There should be some professional exam for these analysts. Most of the time they talk through their backsides.
Alan Sugar

He was a bold man that first eat an oyster.
Jonathan Swift

There are few wild beasts more to be dreaded than a talking man having nothing to say.
Jonathan Swift

Nothing grows in our garden, only washing. And babies.
Dylan Thomas

Boys are perhaps beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of eighteen months and ninety years.
James Thurber

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Mark Twain

An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.
Mark Twain

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
Mark Twain

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
Mark Twain

He had had much experience of physicians, and said the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not.
Mark Twain

I never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Mark Twain

I was born modest, but it didn't last.
Mark Twain

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain

In the matter of diet - I have been persistently strict in sticking to the things that didn't agree with me until one or the other of us got the best of it.
Mark Twain

Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to charity, wait, and count to forty. To save three-quarters, count sixty. To save it all, count sixty-five.
Mark Twain

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain

Never have children, only grandchildren.
Gore Vidal

Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called inbreeding, from which comes idiot children and more lawyers.
David Wayne

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
Mae West

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Mae West

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
Oscar Wilde

Be careful to choose your enemies well. Friends don't much matter. But the choice of enemies is very important.
Oscar Wilde

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.
Oscar Wilde

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.
Oscar Wilde

Divorces are made in heaven.
Oscar Wilde

Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear.
Oscar Wilde

I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. I have not one who is a fool. They are all men of some intellectual power, and consequently they all appreciate me.
Oscar Wilde

I like hearing myself talk. It is one of my greatest pleasures. I often have long conversations with myself, and I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde

I only care to see doctors when I am in perfect health; then they comfort one, but when one is ill they are most depressing.
Oscar Wilde

Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious: both are disappointed.
Oscar Wilde

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
Oscar Wilde

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties.
Oscar Wilde

To lose one parent...may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.
Oscar Wilde

To make a good salad is to be a brilliant diplomatist - the problem is entirely the same in both cases. To know how much oil one must mix with one's vinegar.
Oscar Wilde

When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself; and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.
Oscar Wilde

When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong.
Oscar Wilde

I've met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.
Billy Wilder

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; and now I have six children, and no theories.
John Wilmot

You cannot hope to bribe or twist (thank God!) the British journalist. But, seeing what the man will do unbribed, there's no occasion to.
Humbert Wolfe

All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Alexander Woollcott

An ambassador is an honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.
Henry Wotton

The physician can bury his mistakes, but the architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Frank Lloyd Wright

Now she's on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight. But she can climb a tree!
Henny Youngman