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Famous Speeches           All Topics Fill-In Quotations

  Facts (7)
A triviality is a statement whose opposite is false. However, a great truth is a statement whose opposite may well be another great truth.
Niels Bohr

'Tis strange - but true; for truth is always strange; Stranger than fiction.
George Byron

Accountants and market researchers may be brilliant at examining and analysing facts about the past, but they have no forward vision.
Terence Conran

Administrative purpose usually outruns the facts. Indeed the administrative official's ardor for facts usually begins when he wants to change the facts!
Mary Parker Follett

What is laid down, ordered, factual is never enough to embrace the whole truth: life always spills over the rim of every cup.
Boris Pasternak

I don't make jokes; I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Arthur Schopenhauer

  Failure (47)
By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it's difficult to sort them out.
Scott Adams

Three failures denote uncommon strength. A weakling has not enough grit to fail thrice.
Minna Antrim

For every failure, there's an alternative course of action. You just have to find it. When you come to a roadblock, take a detour.
Mary Kay Ash

Whenever you fall, pick up something.
Oswald Avery

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
Samuel Beckett

Fame is failure disguised as money.
Brendan Behan

Accounting issues did not cause Enron's stock price to fall - its failed business model did.
Joseph Berardino

Start with your own money and value your intuition. It's all about endurance in the beginning. Your dream and passion to succeed must be stronger than your fear of failure.
Terri Bowersock

A minute's success pays the failure of years.
Robert Browning

Success is often achieved by those who don't know that failure is inevitable.
Coco Chanel

Victory has a hundred fathers, but no one wants to recognise defeat as his own.
Galeazzo Ciano

'Tis better to have fought and lost,
Than never to have fought at all.

Arthur Hugh Clough

I have found some of the best reasons I ever had for remaining at the bottom simply by looking at the men at the top.
Frank Colby

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Bill Cosby

The most common cause of executive failure is inability or unwillingness to change with the demands of a new position. The executive who keeps on doing what he has done successfully before is almost bound to fail.
Peter Drucker

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Thomas Edison

Failing is good as long as it doesn't become a habit.
Michael Eisner

Those who invest only to get rich will fail. Those who invest to help others will probably succeed.
Art Fry

I think a man is a business failure who lets his family life interfere with his business record ... business is no place for him.
Jean Paul Getty

You can only stumble if you're moving.
Roberto Goizueta

Failure is a learning experience. It can be a gravestone or a stepping stone.
Bud Hadfield

Man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed but not defeated.
Ernest Hemingway

Our achievements speak for themselves. What we have to keep track of are our failures, discouragements, and doubts. We tend to forget the past difficulties, the many false starts, and the painful groping.
Eric Hoffer

To me success can only be achieved through repeated failure and introspection. In fact, success represents 1 per cent of your work which results from the 99 per cent that is called failure.
Soichiro Honda

A failure is a man who has blundered, but is not able to cash in the experience.
Elbert Hubbard

The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.
Robert G. Ingersoll

Only aim to do your duty, and mankind will give you credit where you fail.
Thomas Jefferson

If we are to be more prosperous we need more millionaires and more bankrupts.
Keith Joseph

I would sooner fail than not be among the greatest.
John Keats

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
Robert F. Kennedy

Observing your own and your competitor's successes and failures makes your inner business voice more sure and vivid.
Estée Lauder

It is not impossibilities which fill us with deepest despair, but possibilities which we have failed to realize.
Robert Mallet

The common idea that success spoils people by making them vain, egotistic and self-complacent is erroneous; on the contrary it makes them, for the most part, humble, tolerant and kind. Failure makes people bitter and cruel.
W. Somerset Maugham

If you aren't afraid to fail, then you probably don't care enough about success.
Mark McCormack

There are interesting failures. There are prestige failures, and there are financial failures, but this is the sort of failure that gives failures a bad name.
David Niven

You've got to learn to survive a defeat. That's when you develop character.
Richard Nixon

Avoid having your ego so close to your position that, when your position fails, your ego goes with it.
Colin Powell

There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.
Colin Powell

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in that grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt

It is hard to fail; but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.
Beverly Sills

One of the most important tasks of a manager is to eliminate his people's excuses for failure.
Robert Townsend

Failure is the foundation of success; success is the lurking place of failure.
Lao Tzu

It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
Gore Vidal

There is no human failure greater than to launch a profoundly important endeavour and then leave it half done.
Barbara Ward

When the rate of change outside exceeds the rate of change inside, the end is in sight.
Jack Welch

My own success was attended by quite a few failures along the way. But I refused to make the biggest mistake of all: worrying too much about making mistakes.
Kemmons Wilson

  Fairness (16)
Had the employers of past generations all of them dealt fairly with their employees there would have been no unions.
Stanley Baldwin

For Justice, though she's painted blind,
Is to the weaker side inclin'd,

Hudibras
Samuel Butler (Poet)

A fair day's wage for a fair day's work.
Benjamin Disraeli

A long line of cases shows that it is not merely of some importance, but is of fundamental importance that justice should not only be done, but should manifestly and undoubtedly be seen to be done.
Gordon Hewart

If this is justice, I am a banana.
Ian Hislop

He never wants anything but what's right and fair; only when you come to settle what's right and fair, it's everything that he wants and nothing that you want. And that's his idea of a compromise.
Thomas Hughes

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Martin Luther King Jr.

Philanthropy is commendable, but it must not cause the philanthropist to overlook the circumstances of economic injustice which make philanthropy necessary.
Martin Luther King Jr.

We will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.
Martin Luther King Jr.

In England, Justice is open to all, like the Ritz hotel.
James Mathew

Ordinary people may not understand the meaning of democracy but they've a passionate regard for fair play.
Robert Maxwell

If the parties will at my hands call for justice, then, all were it my father stood on the one side, and the devil on the other, his cause being good, the devil should have right.
Thomas More

All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.
George Orwell

What I say is that just or right means nothing but what is in the interest of the stronger party.
Plato

I doubt if there is any occupation which is more consistently and unfairly demeaned, degraded, denounced, and deplored than banking.
William Proxmire

One should always play fairly - when one has the winning cards.
Oscar Wilde

  Fame (20)
A celebrity is one who works hard all his life to become well-known and then goes through back streets wearing dark glasses so he won't be recognized.
Fred Allen

A test of whether you have achieved true fame is when a deranged person believes himself to be you.
BBC Radio Quote ... Unquote
Anonymous

Fame is failure disguised as money.
Brendan Behan

Physicians of the Utmost Fame
Were called at once; but when they came
They answered, as they took their Fees,
There is no cure for this disease.

Hilaire Belloc

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
Robert Benchley

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
George Byron

Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is what others think you are.
Dale Carnegie

History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
Winston Churchill

Adieu to Liberty! Adieu to Fame!
For other gifts, for softer joys I pine;
In one fair breast I wish a mutual flame,
In one fair breast alone to burn with mine.

George Crabbe

A man must love a thing very much if he not only practices it without any hope of fame and money, but even... without any hope of doing it well.
Oliver Herford

Being in jail is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. During the past several days, I have had a lot of time to think and I believe that I am learning and growing from this experience ... I would hope going forward that the public and the media will focus on more important things like the men and women serving our country in Iraq and other places around the world.
Paris Hilton

Your legacy should be that you made it better than it was when you got it.
Lee Iacocca

When I appear in public, people expect me to neigh, grind my teeth, paw the ground, and swish my tail.
Anne Elizabeth Alice Louise

Fame is the spur that the clear spirit doth raise
(That last infirmity of noble mind)
To scorn delights, and live laborious days.

John Milton

For the whole Earth is the Sepulchre of famous men; and their story is not graven only on Stone over their native earth, but lives on far away, without visible symbol, woven into the stuff of other men's lives.
Pericles

Wealth is like sea-water; the more we drink, the thirstier we become; the same is true of fame.
Arthur Schopenhauer

The only thing that endures is character. Fame and wealth - all that is illusion.
O. J. Simpson

You see yourself as a good product that sits on a shelf and sells well, and people make a lot of money out of you.
Diana Spencer

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
Oscar Wilde

When you retire ... you go from who's who to who's that, like stepping off the pier (or) achieving statutory senility.
Walter Wriston

  Famous Sayings (35)
All men profess honesty as long as they can. To believe all men honest would be folly. To believe none so is something worse.
John Quincy Adams

Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov

If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainty.
Francis Bacon

COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.
Ambrose Bierce

Dictators ride to and fro on tigers they dare not dismount. And the tigers are getting hungry.
Winston Churchill

It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations ... The quotations when engraved upon the memory give you good thoughts. They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.
Winston Churchill

There is no education like adversity.
Benjamin Disraeli

Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.
Dwight D. Eisenhower

Immortality. I notice that as soon as writers broach this question they begin to quote. I hate quotation. Tell me what you know.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Only the educated are free.
Epictetus

Remember that time is money.
Benjamin Franklin

I am captivated more by dreams of the future than by history of the past.
Thomas Jefferson

I find that pain of a little censure, even when it is unfounded, is more acute than the pleasure of much praise.
Thomas Jefferson

A decent provision for the poor is the true test of civilization.
Samuel Johnson

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.
John F. Kennedy

Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind.
United Nations on September 25, 1961.
John F. Kennedy

He who would make serious use of his life must always act as though he had a long time to live and must schedule his time as though he were about to die.
Émile Littré

If you would hit the mark, you must aim a little above it; Every arrow that flies feels the attraction of earth.
In the Harbor
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
Nelson Mandela

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
Nelson Mandela

You've got to learn to survive a defeat. That's when you develop character.
Richard Nixon

To err is human; to forgive, divine.
Alexander Pope

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike.
Theodore Roosevelt

It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.
Seneca

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.
George Bernard Shaw

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Mark Twain

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Lao Tzu

A leader is best when people barely know that he exists.
Less good when they obey and acclaim him.
Worse when they fear and despise him.
Fail to honor people, and they fail to honor you.
But of a good leader, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
they will say, We did this ourselves.

Lao Tzu

Wise men don't need to prove their point; men who need to prove their point aren't wise.
Lao Tzu

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
Oscar Wilde

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
Oscar Wilde

Character is a by-product; it is produced in the great manufacture of daily duty.
Woodrow Wilson

I was like a hit album waiting to be released. I knew my day would come.
Oprah Winfrey

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.
William Butler Yeats

  Fantasy (2)
You see, Wendy, when the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.
J. M. Barrie

Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten.
G. K. Chesterton

  Fashion (17)
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
Fred Allen

What the brassière said to the top hat: You go on ahead while I give these two a lift.
A Gentleman Publisher's Commonplace Book
Anonymous

Clothes are our weapons, our challenges, and our visible insult.
Angela Carter

Innovation! One cannot be forever innovating. I want to create classics.
Coco Chanel

Art produces ugly things which frequently become beautiful with time. Fashion ... produces beautiful things which always become ugly with time.
Jean Cocteau

The sense of being well-dressed gives a feeling of inward tranquility which religion is powerless to bestow.
Miss C. F. Forbes

Only men who are not interested in women are interested in women's clothes; men who like women never notice what they wear.
Anatole France

I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
Lillian Hellman

A man has his clothes made to fit him; a woman makes herself fit her clothes.
E. W. Howe

Haute Couture should be fun, foolish, and almost unwearable.
Christian Lacroix

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.
Christopher Morley

When a woman is wearing shorts her charms are enlarged without being enhanced.
Beverley Nichols

We Bishops, in our proper dress, originated the mini-skirt. But we allowed Mary Quant to steal the thunder and make three million quid out of it last year.
Victor J. Pike

Fashion is something barbarous for it produces innovation without reason and imitation without benefit.
George Santayana

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
Mark Twain

I like to dress egos.
Gianni Versace

Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear.
Oscar Wilde

  Fat (6)
Beauty comes in all sizes - not just size 5.
Roseanne Barr

Imprisoned in every fat man a thin one is wildly signalling to be let out.
Cyril Connolly

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men, and his aversion to lean ones.
David Hume

I'm fat, but I'm thin inside. Has it ever struck you that there's a thin man inside every fat man, just as they say there's a statue inside every block of stone?
George Orwell

Alfred Hitchcock: One look at you, Mr Shaw, and I know there's famine in the land.
Bernard Shaw: One look at you, Mr Hitchcock, and I know who caused it.

George Bernard Shaw

Going to marry her! Impossible! You mean a part of her; he could not marry her all himself ... There is enough of her to furnish wives for a whole parish ... You might people a colony with her; or give an assembly with her; or perhaps take your morning's walk round her, always provided there were frequent resting-places, and you were in rude health.
Sydney Smith

  Fate (6)
Each man the architect of his own fate.
Appius Claudius Caecus

When a person is born, he can embark on only one of three roads of life: if you go right, the wolves will eat you; if you go left, you'll eat the wolves; if you go straight, you'll eat yourself.
Anton Chekhov

Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.
E. E. Cummings

Fate is not satisfied with inflicting one calamity.
Publilius Syrus

If you can't change your fate change your attitude.
Amy Tan

For Man is man and master of his fate.
Alfred Tennyson

  Fault (6)
It was partially my fault that we got divorced ... I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen

Women's faults are many
Men have only two:
Everything they say
And everything they do.

Cassell's Humorous Quotations
Anonymous

Many owe their greatness to their enemies. Flattery is fiercer than hatred, for hatred corrects the faults flattery had disguised.
Baltasar Gracián

To be angry is to revenge the faults of others on ourselves.
Alexander Pope

If we had no faults, we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others.
François de La Rochefoucauld

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.
Mark Twain

  Fear (42)
There is no fear in love; but
perfect love casteth out fear: be-
cause fear hath torment. He that
feareth is not made perfect in
love.

I John 4:18, King James Version
Holy Bible

Wicked men obey for fear; good men, from love.
Aristotle

When it comes time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.
Aupumut

The joys of parents are secret, and so are their griefs and fears.
Francis Bacon

He who fears being conquered is certain of defeat.
Napoléon Bonaparte

Start with your own money and value your intuition. It's all about endurance in the beginning. Your dream and passion to succeed must be stronger than your fear of failure.
Terri Bowersock

No coward soul is mine, no trembler in the world's storm-troubled sphere; I see heaven's glories shine, and faith shines equal, arming me from fear.
Emily Brontë

The fact that people will be full of greed, fear, or folly is predictable. The sequence is not predictable.
Warren Buffett

There is no hate without fear. Hate is crystallized fear, fear's dividend, fear objectivized. We hate what we fear and so where hate is, fear will be lurking. Thus we hate what threatens our person, our liberty, our privacy, our income, our popularity, our vanity and our dreams and plans for ourselves. If we can isolate this element in what we hate we may be able to cease from hating. Analyse in this way the hatred of ideas or of the kind of people whom we have once loved and whose faces are preserved in Spirits of Anger. Hate is the consequence of fear; we fear something before we hate; a child who fears noises becomes the man who hates them.
Cyril Connolly

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.
Marie Curie

There is no feeling, except the extremes of fear and grief, that does not find relief in music.
George Eliot

The best remedy for those who are frightened, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere they can be alone, alone with the sky, nature and God. For then and only then can you feel that everything is as it should be and that God wants people to be happy amid nature's beauty and simplicity.
Anne Frank

My father was frightened of his mother; I was frightened of my father, and I am damned well going to see to it that my children are frightened of me.
George V

I believe in the value of paranoia. Business success contains the seeds of its own destruction. The more successful you are, the more people want a chunk of your business and then another chunk and then another until there is nothing left.
Andrew Grove

Greed is even more contagious than fear.
Bud Hadfield

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Frank Herbert

There are those who never stretch out the hand for fear it will be bitten. But those who never stretch out the hand will never feel it clasped in friendship.
Michael Heseltine

Others appear frozen in the headlights - aware of the likely impact, yet paralysed by the fear of major transformations.
Patricia Hewitt

When I started out, people were afraid of parish priests. Now they're afraid of newspaper editors.
Michael D. Higgins

Success is power; because it maketh reputation of wisdom, or good fortune; which makes men either fear him or rely on him.
Thomas Hobbes

The real haves are they who can acquire freedom, self-confidence, and even riches without depriving others of them. They acquire all of these by developing and applying their potentialities. On the other hand, the real have nots are they who cannot have aught except by depriving others of it. They can feel free only by diminishing the freedom of others, self-confident by spreading fear and dependence among others, and rich by making others poor.
Eric Hoffer

A propensity to hope and joy is real riches; one to fear and sorrow real poverty.
David Hume

Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
William James

Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.
John F. Kennedy

Men often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they can not communicate; they can not communicate because they are separated.
Martin Luther King Jr.

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing. At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in.
C. S. Lewis

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.
H. P. Lovecraft

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
Nelson Mandela

The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one.
John C. Maxwell

The thing I fear most is fear.
Michel de Montaigne

Courage consists not in hazarding without fear; but being resolutely minded in a just cause.
Plutarch

I'm not afraid of life and I'm not afraid of death: Dying's the bore.
Katherine Anne Porter

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

I died as a mineral and became a plant,
I died as plant and rose to animal,
I died as animal and I was Man.
Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?

Rumi

To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
Bertrand Russell

Fear cannot be without some hope nor hope without some fear.
Baruch Spinoza

Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts... perhaps the fear of a loss of power.
John Steinbeck

Valor grows by daring, fear by holding back.
Publilius Syrus

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
Mark Twain

Do not trust the horse, Trojans. Whatever it is, I fear the Greeks even when they bring gifts.
Virgil

A few yes men may be born, but mostly they are made. Fear is a great breeder of them.
William Wrigley

  Feedback (3)
No organizational action has more power for motivating employee behavior change than feedback from credible work associates.
Mark R. Edwards

Cheers hearten a man. But jeers are just as essential. They help maintain his sense of balance and proportion.
Jay House

Positive feedback makes the strong grow stronger and the weak grow weaker.
Carl Shapiro

  Feelings (13)
People will forget what you said
Poeple will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel.

Maya Angelou

The worst families are those in which the members never really speak their minds to one another; they maintain an atmosphere of unreality, and everyone always lives in an atmosphere of suppressed ill-feeling.
Walter Bagehot

Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies.
Elizabeth Bowen

Tact consists in knowing how far we may go too far.
Jean Cocteau

Half of our mistakes in life arises from feeling where we ought to think, and thinking where we ought to feel.
John Churton Collins

There is no hate without fear. Hate is crystallized fear, fear's dividend, fear objectivized. We hate what we fear and so where hate is, fear will be lurking. Thus we hate what threatens our person, our liberty, our privacy, our income, our popularity, our vanity and our dreams and plans for ourselves. If we can isolate this element in what we hate we may be able to cease from hating. Analyse in this way the hatred of ideas or of the kind of people whom we have once loved and whose faces are preserved in Spirits of Anger. Hate is the consequence of fear; we fear something before we hate; a child who fears noises becomes the man who hates them.
Cyril Connolly

There is no feeling, except the extremes of fear and grief, that does not find relief in music.
George Eliot

Some die because they feel everything, others because they feel nothing. Some are fools because they suffer no regrets, and others because they do.
Baltasar Gracián

When it's time to make a decision about a person or problem ... trust your intuition ... act.
Bud Hadfield

Talk not of wasted affection, affection never was wasted;
If it enrich not the heart of another, its waters, returning
Back to their springs, like the rain, shall fill them full of refreshment;
That which the fountain sends forth returns again to the fountain.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The holiest of all holidays are those
Kept by ourselves in silence and apart;
The secret anniversaries of the heart,
When the full river of feeling overflows.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either.
Golda Meir

The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.
Blaise Pascal

  Festivals (3)
For I remember it is Easter morn,
And life and love and peace are all new born.

Alice Freeman Palmer

I think of the garden after the rain;
And hope to my heart comes singing,
At morn the cherry-blooms will be white,
And the Easter bells be ringing!

Edna Dean Proctor

Tomorrow 'ill be the happiest time of all
the glad New-year;
Of all the glad New-year, mother, the
maddest merriest day;
For I'm to be Queen o' the May, mother,
I'm to be Queen o' the May.

Alfred Tennyson

  Fight (4)
I've found that when it came to doing something I loved and fighting for it, things worked out. If you're going to kill yourself to develop something, you've got to enjoy it.
Jeanine Lobell

It is not enough to fight. It is the spirit which we bring to the fight that decides the issue. It is morale that wins the victory.
George Marshall

The man who accepts the laissez-faire doctrine would allow his garden to grow wild so that roses might fight it out with the weeds and the fittest might survive.
John Ruskin

Whoever is first in the field and awaits the coming of the enemy, will be fresh for the fight; whoever is second in the field and has to hasten to battle will arrive exhausted.
Sun Tzu

  Finish (2)
How you start is important, but it is how you finish that counts. In the race for success, speed is less important than stamina. The sticker outlasts the sprinter.
Bertie Forbes

Defeat doesn't finish a man - quit does. A man is not finished when he's defeated. He's finished when he quits.
Richard Nixon

  Fire (1)
It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know.
Eleanor Roosevelt

  Firmness (6)
There is no such thing as great talent without great will-power.
Honoré de Balzac

In matters of style, swim with the current;
In matters of principle, stand like a rock.

Thomas Jefferson

Never make concessions.
Gertrude Stein

Be careful, be cautious, do not rush into negotiations ... be careful what you give away now, you may wish you had not done so should in future the balance of forces turn in your favour.
Oliver Tambo

We shall not be diverted from our course. To those waiting with bated breath for that favourite media catch-phrase, the U-turn, I have only this to say. You turn if you want; the lady's not for turning.
Margaret Thatcher

The mark of a moderate man is freedom from his own ideas. Tolerant like the sky, all-pervading like sunlight, firm like a mountain, supple like a tree in the wind, he has no destination in view and makes use of anything life happens to bring his way.
Lao Tzu

  Flattery (11)
Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.
Joyce Brothers

We should keep silent about those in power; to speak well of them almost implies flattery; to speak ill of them while they are alive is dangerous, and when they are dead is cowardly.
Jean de La Bruyère

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Charles Colton

Nothing in this world is harder than speaking the truth, nothing easier than flattery.
Fyodor Dostoevsky

Many owe their greatness to their enemies. Flattery is fiercer than hatred, for hatred corrects the faults flattery had disguised.
Baltasar Gracián

We find it easy to believe that praise is sincere: why should anyone lie in telling us the truth?
Jean Rostand

What really flatters a man is that you think him worth flattering.
George Bernard Shaw

Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you.
Spoken to a young lady.
Richard Sheridan

I suppose flattery hurts no one - that is, if he doesn't inhale.
Adlai Stevenson

'Tis an old maxim in the schools,
That Vanity's the food of fools;
Yet now and then your men of wit
Will condescend to taste a bit.

Jonathan Swift

I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me - I always feel that they have not said enough.
Mark Twain

  Fools (45)
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
Douglas Adams

By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it's difficult to sort them out.
Scott Adams

There's a sucker born every minute.
P. T. Barnum

The fence around a cemetery is foolish, for those inside can't come out and those outside don't want to get in.
Arthur Brisbane

Of one thing be certain: if a C.E.O. is enthused about a particularly foolish acquisition, both his internal staff and his outside advisors will come up with whatever projections are needed to justify his stance. Only in fairy tales are emperors told that they are naked.
Warren Buffett

The fact that people will be full of greed, fear, or folly is predictable. The sequence is not predictable.
Warren Buffett

Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it.
Samuel Butler (Author)

I have always heard it said, that to do a kindness to clowns, is like throwing water into the sea.
Cervantes

Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
George Chapman

When he said we were trying to make a fool of him, I could only murmur that the Creator had beat us to it.
Ilka Chase

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.
Charles Colton

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Jamie Lee Curtis

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man shouldn't fool with booze until he's fifty; then he's a damn fool if he doesn't.
William Faulkner

Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields

There are only two fools in this world. One is the millionaire who thinks that by hoarding money he can somehow accumulate real power, and the other is the penniless reformer who thinks that if only he can take the money away from one class and give it to another, all the world's ills will be cured.
Henry Ford

He that teaches himself hath a fool for a master.
Benjamin Franklin

Some die because they feel everything, others because they feel nothing. Some are fools because they suffer no regrets, and others because they do.
Baltasar Gracián

Oh, innocent victims of Cupid,
Remember this terse little verse;
To let a fool kiss you is stupid,
To let a kiss fool you is worse.

E. Y. Harburg

An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anything into an empty head.
Eric Hoffer

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Elbert Hubbard

Fly fishing may be a very pleasant amusement; but angling or float fishing I can only compare to a stick and a string, with a worm at one end and a fool at the other.
Samuel Johnson

Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.
Samuel Johnson

Talking and eloquence are not the same: to speak, and to speak well, are two things. A fool may talk, but a wise man speaks.
Ben Jonson

I don't suffer fools, and I like to see fools suffer.
Florence King

As usual, there's a great woman behind every idiot.
John Lennon

If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.
Abraham Lincoln

It is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied.
John Stuart Mill

An author is a fool who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on boring future generations.
Montesquieu

Experience! Wise men do not need it.
Experience! Idiots do not heed it.

Ogden Nash

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
Helen Rowland

Against stupidity the very gods themselves contend in vain.
Friedrich Schiller

When we are born, we cry that we are come
To this great stage of fools:

King Lear
William Shakespeare

'Tis an old maxim in the schools,
That Vanity's the food of fools;
Yet now and then your men of wit
Will condescend to taste a bit.

Jonathan Swift

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
Thomas Szasz

Ah well, I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His work must be contemplated with respect.
Mark Twain

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain

July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.
Mark Twain

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called inbreeding, from which comes idiot children and more lawyers.
David Wayne

I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. I have not one who is a fool. They are all men of some intellectual power, and consequently they all appreciate me.
Oscar Wilde

In examinations the foolish ask questions that the wise cannot answer.
Oscar Wilde

There is much to be said in favour of modern journalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.
Oscar Wilde

Money sometimes makes fools of important persons, but it may also make important persons of fools.
Walter Winchell

Be wise with speed; a fool at forty is a fool indeed.
Edward Young

  Force (5)
Freedom is a more complex and delicate thing than force. It is not as simple to live under as force is.
Thomas Mann

When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and your discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.
Patanjali

There is a powerful driving force inside every human being that once unleashed can make any vision, dream, or desire a reality.
Anthony Robbins

One can't say that figures lie. But figures, as used in financial arguments, seem to have the bad habit of expressing a small part of the truth forcibly, and neglecting the other part, as do some people we know.
Fred Schwed

You can accomplish by kindness what you cannot by force.
Publilius Syrus

  Forget (18)
People will forget what you said
Poeple will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel.

Maya Angelou

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
BBC Radio Quote ... Unquote
Anonymous

Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.
Henry Ward Beecher

God has forgotten me.
Referring to her long life at the age of 120.
Jeanne Calment

If something pleasant happens to you, don't forget to tell it to your friends, to make them feel bad.
Casimir

If you would not be forgotten
As soon as you are dead and rotten,
Either write things worth reading,
Or do things worth the writing.

Benjamin Franklin

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.
Mahatma Gandhi

Three things happen when you get to my age. First your memory starts to go ... and I have forgotten the other two.
Denis Healey

Nobody ever fergits where he buried a hatchet.
Kin Hubbard

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
John F. Kennedy

Perhaps being old is having lighted rooms
Inside your head, and people in them, acting.
People you know, yet can't quite name.

Philip Larkin

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx

Why can we remember the tiniest detail that has happened to us, and not remember how many times we have told it to the same persons?
François de La Rochefoucauld

Happiness ... lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort. The joy and moral stimulation of work no longer must be forgotten in the mad chase of evanescent profits.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.
B. F. Skinner

There are three things I always forget. Names, faces, and - the third I can't remember.
Italo Svevo

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
Thomas Szasz

If money is your motivation, forget it.
Oprah Winfrey

  Forgive (15)
There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
Josh Billings

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.

Robert Frost

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.
Mahatma Gandhi

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Mahatma Gandhi

Nobody ever fergits where he buried a hatchet.
Kin Hubbard

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
John F. Kennedy

Love may forgive all infirmities and love still in spite of them: but Love cannot cease to will their removal.
C. S. Lewis

To err is human; to forgive, divine.
Alexander Pope

Beware of the man who does not return your blow: he neither forgives you nor allows you to forgive yourself.
George Bernard Shaw

If you strike a child, take care that you strike it in anger, even at the risk of maiming it for life. A blow in cold blood neither can nor should be forgiven.
George Bernard Shaw

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
Thomas Szasz

And blessings on the falling out
That all the more endears,
When we fall out with those we love
And kiss again with tears!

Alfred Tennyson

After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.
Oscar Wilde

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.
Oscar Wilde

  Foreign (1)
We rely on skilled foreign workers for their math, science, and creative abilities as well as their cultural knowledge, which helps when localizing products for world markets.
Bill Gates

  Fortune (4)
Diligence is the mother of good fortune, and idleness - its opposite - never brought a man to the goal of any of his best wishes.
Cervantes

Must, bid the Morn awake,
Sad Winter now declines,
Each Bird doth choose a mate,
This day's Saint Valentine's;
For that good Bishop's sake
Get up, and let us see
What Beauty it shall be
That Fortune us assigns.

Michael Drayton

Success is power; because it maketh reputation of wisdom, or good fortune; which makes men either fear him or rely on him.
Thomas Hobbes

Fortune is like glass - the brighter the glitter, the more easily broken.
Publilius Syrus

  Free (27)
Everybody favours free speech in the slack moments when no axes are being ground.
Heywood Broun

Only the educated are free.
Epictetus

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
Victor Frankl

That rugged individualism that is the personification of our American sense of freedom, and which we celebrate on the Fourth of July and in our popular myths and heroes, also contributes to the breakdown of the social fabric that has always provided a secure context for our freedoms. Freedom from has not yet yielded to an appropriate freedom for.
Peter J. Gomes

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
Evelyn Beatrice Hall

Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no constitution, no law, no court can save it; no constitution, no law, no court can even do much to help it.
Learned Hand

I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!
Patrick Henry

The real haves are they who can acquire freedom, self-confidence, and even riches without depriving others of them. They acquire all of these by developing and applying their potentialities. On the other hand, the real have nots are they who cannot have aught except by depriving others of it. They can feel free only by diminishing the freedom of others, self-confident by spreading fear and dependence among others, and rich by making others poor.
Eric Hoffer

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.
John F. Kennedy

Let every Nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend or oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and success of liberty.
John F. Kennedy

I understand, of course, that many people find smoking objectionable. That is their right. I would, I assure you, be the very last to criticize the annoyed. I myself find many - even most - things objectionable. Being offended is the natural consequence of leaving one's home. I do not like aftershave lotion, adults who roller-skate, children who speak French, or anyone who is unduly tan. I do not, however, go around enacting legislation and putting up signs. In private I avoid such people; in public they have the run of the place. I stay at home as much as possible, and so should they. When it is necessary, however, to go out of the house, they must be prepared, as I am, to deal with the unpleasant personal habits of others. That is what public means.
Fran Lebowitz

We sometimes take for granted the freedom and power of independent thought and action. And only after it's been compromised, do we fully realize how fundamental it is to the pursuit of economic opportunity.
Arthur Levitt

Only free men can negotiate; prisoners cannot enter into contracts. Your freedom and mine cannot be separated.
Nelson Mandela

The time for the healing of the wounds has come. The moment to bridge the chasms that divide us has come. The time to build is upon us.
Nelson Mandela

Freedom is a more complex and delicate thing than force. It is not as simple to live under as force is.
Thomas Mann

Sing in the tones of prayer,
Sing till the soaring soul
Shall float above the world's control
In Freedom everywhere!
Sing for the good that is to be,
Sing for the eyes that are to see
The land where man at last is free,
O sing for Liberty!

James Riley

If we take the term in the strict sense, there never has been a real democracy, and there never will be. It is against the natural order for the many to govern and the few to be governed.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Man is born free; and everywhere he is in chains.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau

What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist.
Salman Rushdie

It is preoccupation with possession, more than anything else, that prevents men from living freely and nobly.
Bertrand Russell

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.
George Bernard Shaw

You only have power over people so long as you don't take everything away from them. But when you've robbed a man of everything, he's no longer in your power - he's free again.
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Freedom of the press in Britain means freedom to print such of the proprietor's prejudices as the advertisers don't object to.
Hannen Swaffer

To accept a favour is to sell one's freedom.
Publilius Syrus

It is a free press ... There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press.
Mark Twain

The mark of a moderate man is freedom from his own ideas. Tolerant like the sky, all-pervading like sunlight, firm like a mountain, supple like a tree in the wind, he has no destination in view and makes use of anything life happens to bring his way.
Lao Tzu

The Khomeini cry for the execution of Rushdie is an infantile cry. From the beginning of time we have seen that. To murder the thinker does not murder the thought.
Arnold Wesker

  Freedom (27)
Everybody favours free speech in the slack moments when no axes are being ground.
Heywood Broun

In every era, society must strike the right balance between the freedom businesses need to compete for a market share and to make profits and the preservation of family and community values.
Hillary Clinton

Only the educated are free.
Epictetus

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
Victor Frankl

That rugged individualism that is the personification of our American sense of freedom, and which we celebrate on the Fourth of July and in our popular myths and heroes, also contributes to the breakdown of the social fabric that has always provided a secure context for our freedoms. Freedom from has not yet yielded to an appropriate freedom for.
Peter J. Gomes

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
Evelyn Beatrice Hall

Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no constitution, no law, no court can save it; no constitution, no law, no court can even do much to help it.
Learned Hand

I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!
Patrick Henry

The real haves are they who can acquire freedom, self-confidence, and even riches without depriving others of them. They acquire all of these by developing and applying their potentialities. On the other hand, the real have nots are they who cannot have aught except by depriving others of it. They can feel free only by diminishing the freedom of others, self-confident by spreading fear and dependence among others, and rich by making others poor.
Eric Hoffer

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.
John F. Kennedy

Let every Nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend or oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and success of liberty.
John F. Kennedy

I understand, of course, that many people find smoking objectionable. That is their right. I would, I assure you, be the very last to criticize the annoyed. I myself find many - even most - things objectionable. Being offended is the natural consequence of leaving one's home. I do not like aftershave lotion, adults who roller-skate, children who speak French, or anyone who is unduly tan. I do not, however, go around enacting legislation and putting up signs. In private I avoid such people; in public they have the run of the place. I stay at home as much as possible, and so should they. When it is necessary, however, to go out of the house, they must be prepared, as I am, to deal with the unpleasant personal habits of others. That is what public means.
Fran Lebowitz

We sometimes take for granted the freedom and power of independent thought and action. And only after it's been compromised, do we fully realize how fundamental it is to the pursuit of economic opportunity.
Arthur Levitt

Only free men can negotiate; prisoners cannot enter into contracts. Your freedom and mine cannot be separated.
Nelson Mandela

The time for the healing of the wounds has come. The moment to bridge the chasms that divide us has come. The time to build is upon us.
Nelson Mandela

Freedom is a more complex and delicate thing than force. It is not as simple to live under as force is.
Thomas Mann

Sing in the tones of prayer,
Sing till the soaring soul
Shall float above the world's control
In Freedom everywhere!
Sing for the good that is to be,
Sing for the eyes that are to see
The land where man at last is free,
O sing for Liberty!

James Riley

If we take the term in the strict sense, there never has been a real democracy, and there never will be. It is against the natural order for the many to govern and the few to be governed.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Man is born free; and everywhere he is in chains.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau

What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist.
Salman Rushdie

It is preoccupation with possession, more than anything else, that prevents men from living freely and nobly.
Bertrand Russell

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.
George Bernard Shaw

You only have power over people so long as you don't take everything away from them. But when you've robbed a man of everything, he's no longer in your power - he's free again.
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Freedom of the press in Britain means freedom to print such of the proprietor's prejudices as the advertisers don't object to.
Hannen Swaffer

It is a free press ... There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press.
Mark Twain

The mark of a moderate man is freedom from his own ideas. Tolerant like the sky, all-pervading like sunlight, firm like a mountain, supple like a tree in the wind, he has no destination in view and makes use of anything life happens to bring his way.
Lao Tzu

The Khomeini cry for the execution of Rushdie is an infantile cry. From the beginning of time we have seen that. To murder the thinker does not murder the thought.
Arnold Wesker

  Friction (1)
Change means movement. Movement means friction.
Saul Alinsky

  Frivolous (1)
If a gentleman is frivolous, he will lose the respect of his inferiors.
Confucius

  Frown (1)
It takes seventy-two muscles to frown, but only thirteen to smile.
The Yearbook of Comfort and Joy
Anonymous

  Fun (7)
If you are having as much fun running a big corporation as you did running a piece of it, then you are probably interfering too much with the people who really make it happen.
James E. Burke

You can increase your brain power three to fivefold simply by laughing and having fun before working on a problem.
Doug Hall

The simplest toy, on which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.
Sam Levenson

One would be in less danger
From the wiles of the stranger
If one's own kin and kith
Were more fun to be with.

Ogden Nash

Winners are people who have fun - and produce results as a result of their zest.
Tom Peters

To run this business ... you need ... optimism, humanism, enthusiasm, intuition, curiosity, love, humour, magic and fun, and that secret ingredient - euphoria.
Anita Roddick

If you don't do it excellently, don't do it at all. Because if it's not excellent, it won't be profitable or fun, and if you're not in business for fun or profit, what the hell are you doing there?
Robert Townsend

  Funny (307)
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
Douglas Adams

A consultant is a person who takes your money and annoys your employees while tirelessly searching for the best way to extend the consulting contract.
Scott Adams

By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it's difficult to sort them out.
Scott Adams

Consultants eventually leave, which makes them excellent scapegoats for major management blunders.
Scott Adams

The biggest change in the workplace of the future will be the widespread realization that having one idiot boss is a much higher risk than having many idiot clients.
Scott Adams

A celebrity is one who works hard all his life to become well-known and then goes through back streets wearing dark glasses so he won't be recognized.
Fred Allen

A conference is a gathering of important people who, singly, can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 a.m. and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 p.m. to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
Fred Allen

It was partially my fault that we got divorced ... I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Woody Allen

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game.
A Treasury of Humorous Quotations
Anonymous

A test of whether you have achieved true fame is when a deranged person believes himself to be you.
BBC Radio Quote ... Unquote
Anonymous

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
BBC Radio Quote ... Unquote
Anonymous

If the soup had been as warm as the wine, and the wine as old as the fish, and the fish as young as the maid, and the maid as willing as the hostess, it would have been a very good meal.
BBC Radio Quote ... Unquote
Anonymous

The codfish lays ten thousand eggs
The homely hen lays one.
The codfish never cackles
To tell you that she's done.
And so we scorn the codfish,
While the humble hen we prize,
Which only goes to show you
That it pays to advertise.

Bartlett's Familiar Quotations
Anonymous

There are three kinds of lie: a small lie, a big lie and politics.
Time Magazine
Anonymous

What the brassière said to the top hat: You go on ahead while I give these two a lift.
A Gentleman Publisher's Commonplace Book
Anonymous

Managers who are skilled communicators may also be good at covering up real problems.
Chris Argyris

Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake.
Margot Asquith

Salad. I can't bear salad. It grows while you're eating it, you know. Have you noticed? You start one side of your plate and by the time you've got to the other, there's a fresh crop of lettuce taken root and sprouted up.
Alan Ayckbourn

Woe betide the man who dares to pay a woman a compliment today ... Forget the flowers, the chocolates, the soft word - rather woo her with a self-defence manual in one hand and a family planning leaflet in the other.
Alan Ayckbourn

She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on.
Arthur Baer

When you apply the word power to a man, it means strong and bold - very positive attributes. When you use it to describe a woman, it suggests bitchy, insensitive, hard.
Jill Barad

For man's greatest crime is to have been born.
Pedro Calderón de la Barca

There's a sucker born every minute.
P. T. Barnum

Beauty comes in all sizes - not just size 5.
Roseanne Barr

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch.
James Beard

Have you noticed ... there is never any third act in a nightmare? They bring you to a climax of terror and then leave you there. They are the work of poor dramatists.
Max Beerbohm

Fame is failure disguised as money.
Brendan Behan

Retirement is an illusion. Not a reward but a mantrap. The bankrupt underside of success. A shortcut to death. Golf courses are too much like cemetries.
Saul Bellow

I never sleep through a performance. I always make sure that I am awake for the intermission.
Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
Robert Benchley

Life, you know, is rather like opening a tin of sardines. We're all of us looking for the key.
Alan Bennett

Standards are always out of date. That is what makes them standards.
Alan Bennett

You only have to survive in England and all is forgiven you ... if you can eat a boiled egg at ninety in England they think you deserve a Nobel Prize.
Alan Bennett

Poor fellow, he suffers from files.
Aneurin Bevan

BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think.
Ambrose Bierce

COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.
Ambrose Bierce

CYNIC, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
Ambrose Bierce

In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us.
Josh Billings

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
Josh Billings

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
Erma Bombeck

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Erma Bombeck

Guidelines for bureaucrats: (1) When in charge, ponder. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in doubt, mumble.
James Boren

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.
James Boren

That favourite subject, Myself.
James Boswell

The fence around a cemetery is foolish, for those inside can't come out and those outside don't want to get in.
Arthur Brisbane

The fact that people will be full of greed, fear, or folly is predictable. The sequence is not predictable.
Warren Buffett

Wall Street is the only place people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from people who take the subway.
Warren Buffett

Our wrangling lawyers ... are so litigious and busy here on earth, that I think they will plead their clients' causes hereafter, some of them in hell.
Robert Burton

Home, Sweet Home must surely have been written by a bachelor.
Samuel Butler (Author)

God has forgotten me.
Referring to her long life at the age of 120.
Jeanne Calment

Give me the avowed, the erect, the manly foe,
Bold I can meet - perhaps may turn his blow!
But of all plagues, Good Heaven, thy wrath can send,
Save, save, Oh, save me from the candid friend!

George Canning

If you are ever in doubt as to whether or not you should kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.
Thomas Carlyle

That's the reason they're called lessons, the Gryphon remarked: because they lessen from day to day.
Lewis Carroll

If something pleasant happens to you, don't forget to tell it to your friends, to make them feel bad.
Casimir

Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
George Chapman

When he said we were trying to make a fool of him, I could only murmur that the Creator had beat us to it.
Ilka Chase

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too.
Anton Chekhov

Of all the modern phenomena, the most monstrous and ominous, the most manifestly rotting with disease, the most grimly prophetic of destruction, the most clearly and unmistakably inspired by evil spirits, the most instantly and awfully overshadowed by the wrath of heaven, the most near to madness and moral chaos, the most vivid with devilry and despair, is the practice of having to listen to loud music while eating a meal in a restaurant.
G. K. Chesterton

Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.
G. K. Chesterton

History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
Winston Churchill

Odd things animals. All dogs look up at you. All cats look down at you. Only a pig looks at you as an equal.
Winston Churchill

I have found some of the best reasons I ever had for remaining at the bottom simply by looking at the men at the top.
Frank Colby

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.
Charles Colton

Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.
William Congreve

Imprisoned in every fat man a thin one is wildly signalling to be let out.
Cyril Connolly

If you don't say anything you won't be called on to repeat it.
Calvin Coolidge

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten-pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper

The thing that best defines a child is the total inability to receive information from anything not plugged in.
Bill Cosby

Lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Leonard Courtney

I can take any amount of criticism, so long as it is unqualified praise.
Noël Coward

Never trust men with short legs. Brains too near their bottoms.
Noël Coward

I would be married, but I'd have no wife, I would be married to a single life.
Richard Crashaw

There was no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.
Quentin Crisp

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Jamie Lee Curtis

Running after women never hurt anybody - it's catching 'em that does the damage.
Jack Davies

Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.
Benjamin Disraeli

Whoever loves, if he do not propose
The right true end of love, he's one that goes
To sea for nothing but to make him sick.

John Donne

We are willing to spend the least amount of money to keep a kid at home, more to put him in a foster home, and the most to institutionalize him.
Marian Edelman

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.
Edward VIII

If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.
Albert Einstein

When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute - and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
Evan Esar

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
Sam Ewing

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.
Sam Ewing

When the meek inherit the earth, lawyers will be there to work out the deal.
Sam Ewing

A man shouldn't fool with booze until he's fifty; then he's a damn fool if he doesn't.
William Faulkner

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields

Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.
Henry Ford

The books that everybody admires are those that nobody reads.
Anatole France

A single man has not nearly the value he would have in a state of union. He is an incomplete animal. He resembles the odd half of a pair of scissors.
Benjamin Franklin

God heals and the doctor takes the fees.
Benjamin Franklin

He that falls in love with himself, will have no rivals.
Benjamin Franklin

He that lies down with dogs shall rise up with fleas.
Benjamin Franklin

He that teaches himself hath a fool for a master.
Benjamin Franklin

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
Nancy Freeman-Mitford

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.

Robert Frost

Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
David Frost

Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
Robert Frost

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.
Robert Frost

The world is full of willing people: some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
Robert Frost

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's the wife who can't cook and will.
Robert Frost

A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors.
Stephen Fry

It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
Philip Gibbs

Diplomacy is to do and say
The nastiest thing in the nicest way.

Isaac Goldberg

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Samuel Goldwyn

Brain cells create ideas. Stress kills brain cells. Stress is not a good idea.
Doug Hall

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.
Christopher Hampton

My momma always said, life was like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get.
Tom Hanks

Oh, innocent victims of Cupid,
Remember this terse little verse;
To let a fool kiss you is stupid,
To let a kiss fool you is worse.

E. Y. Harburg

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
Richard Harkness

Accountants are the witch-doctors of the modern world and willing to turn their hands to any kind of magic.
Quoted in February, 1964.
Charles Harman

Three things happen when you get to my age. First your memory starts to go ... and I have forgotten the other two.
Denis Healey

I don't think that work ever really destroyed anybody. I think that lack of work destroys them a hell of a lot more.
Katherine Hepburn

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's; she changes it more often.
Oliver Herford

When I started out, people were afraid of parish priests. Now they're afraid of newspaper editors.
Michael D. Higgins

If this is justice, I am a banana.
Ian Hislop

An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anything into an empty head.
Eric Hoffer

A man has his clothes made to fit him; a woman makes herself fit her clothes.
E. W. Howe

A committee is a thing which takes a week to do what one good man can do in an hour.
Elbert Hubbard

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Elbert Hubbard

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Kin Hubbard

Distant relatives are the best kind, and the further the better.
Kin Hubbard

Nobody ever fergits where he buried a hatchet.
Kin Hubbard

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men, and his aversion to lean ones.
David Hume

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
Robert M. Hutchins

The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
Thomas Jefferson

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me: the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart.
Jerome K. Jerome

If you haven't struck oil in your first three minutes, stop boring!
George Jessel

A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing.
Samuel Johnson

Fly fishing may be a very pleasant amusement; but angling or float fishing I can only compare to a stick and a string, with a worm at one end and a fool at the other.
Samuel Johnson

Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.
Samuel Johnson

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
Samuel Johnson

A speech is a solemn responsibility. The man who makes a bad thirty-minute speech to two hundred people wastes only a half-hour of his own time. But he wastes one hundred hours of the audience's time - more than four days - which should be a hanging offense.
Jenkin Lloyd Jones

Business is like sex. When it's good, it's very, very good; when it's not so good, it's still good.
George Katona

I feel sorry for those who live without competition ... fat, dumb, and unhappy in cradle-to-grave security.
Donald Kendall

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
John F. Kennedy

I don't like to hire consultants. They're like castrated bulls: all they can do is advise.
Victor Kiam

I see nothing wrong with power as long as I am the fellow who has it.
Cecil King

I don't suffer fools, and I like to see fools suffer.
Florence King

Being kissed by a man who didn't wax his moustache was - like eating an egg without salt.
Rudyard Kipling

What do you do when your competitor's drowning? Get a live hose and stick it in his mouth.
Ray Kroc

As usual, there's a great woman behind every idiot.
John Lennon

When you ask one friend to dine,
Give him your best wine!
When you ask two,
The second best will do!

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

When I appear in public, people expect me to neigh, grind my teeth, paw the ground, and swish my tail.
Anne Elizabeth Alice Louise

The trouble with marriage is that, while every woman is at heart a mother, every man is at heart a bachelor.
E. V. Lucas

Age is other things too. It is wisdom, if one has lived one's life properly. It is experience and knowledge. And it is getting to know all the ways the world turns, so that if you cannot turn the world the way you want, you can at least get out of the way so you won't get run over.
Miriam Makeba

As to those who can find it in them to employ the doubtlessly useful word brunch, do they, I wonder, ever up-grade it to bruncheon? This is the kind of question I ponder on while waiting for the kettle to boil. The active mind is never at rest.
Arthur Marshall

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx

In England, Justice is open to all, like the Ritz hotel.
James Mathew

People often feed the hungry so that nothing may disturb their own enjoyment of a good meal.
W. Somerset Maugham

The only thing experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.
André Maurois

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty and only the pig enjoys himself.
Mark McCormack

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make a better soup.
H. L. Mencken

I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.
H. L. Mencken

In the main, there are two sorts of books: those that no one reads and those that no one ought to read.
H. L. Mencken

It is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied.
John Stuart Mill

Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
Spike Milligan

Death and taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.
Margaret Mitchell

An author is a fool who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on boring future generations.
Montesquieu

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.
Christopher Morley

Show me the man who has enjoyed his schooldays and I will show you a bully and a bore.
Robert Morley

No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense, and relatively clean finger nails.
John Mortimer

Restaurants have this in common with ladies: the best are often not the most enjoyable, nor the grandest the most friendly, and the pleasures of the evening are frequently spoiled by the writing of an exorbitant cheque.
John Mortimer

It has to be admitted that we English have sex on the brain, which is a very unsatisfactory place to have it.
Malcolm Muggeridge

Money is like manure. If you spread it around, it does a lot of good, but if you pile it up in one place, it stinks like hell.
Clint Murchison

Monopoly is a terrible thing, till you have it.
Rupert Murdoch

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.
Ogden Nash

You don't need to interpret the tea leaves stuck in a cup to understand that people who work sitting down get paid more than those people who work standing up.
Ogden Nash

When a woman is wearing shorts her charms are enlarged without being enhanced.
Beverley Nichols

There are interesting failures. There are prestige failures, and there are financial failures, but this is the sort of failure that gives failures a bad name.
David Niven

Middle age is when, wherever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater.
Denis Norden

Everywhere I go I am asked if university stifles writers. My opinion is that it doesn't stifle enough of them.
Flannery O'Connor

I feel these days like a very large flamingo. No matter what way I turn, there is always a very large bill.
Joseph O'Connor

Bureaucratic time ... slower than geologic time but more expensive than time spent with Madame Claude's girls in Paris.
P. J. O'Rourke

Dating is a social engagement with the threat of sex at its conclusion.
P. J. O'Rourke

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
P. J. O'Rourke

In 1969 I published a small book on Humility. It was a pioneering work which has not, to my knowledge, been superseded.
Francis Pakenham

By the time you say you're his,
Shivering and sighing
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.

Dorothy Parker

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

Dorothy Parker

I come from an environment where, if you see a snake, you kill it. At General Motors, if you see a snake, the first thing you do is hire a consultant on snakes.
Ross Perot

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at becoming incompetent.
Laurence J. Peter

The noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it.
Laurence J. Peter

Chief executives, who themselves own few shares of their companies, have no more feeling for the average stockholder than they do for baboons in Africa.
T. Boone Pickens

We Bishops, in our proper dress, originated the mini-skirt. But we allowed Mary Quant to steal the thunder and make three million quid out of it last year.
Victor J. Pike

I'm not afraid of life and I'm not afraid of death: Dying's the bore.
Katherine Anne Porter

In many walks of life, a conscience is a more expensive encumbrance than a wife or a carriage.
Thomas De Quincey
In an examination those who do not wish to know ask questions of those who cannot tell.
Walter Raleigh

A friend of mine was asked to a costume ball a short time ago. He slapped some egg on his face and went as a liberal economist.
Ronald Reagan

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly beans.
Ronald Reagan

Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it.
Will Rogers

I don't make jokes; I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers

Outside of traffic, there is nothing that has held this country back as much as committees.
Will Rogers

You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.
Will Rogers

A bachelor gets tangled up with a lot of women in order to avoid getting tied up by one.
Helen Rowland

A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.
Helen Rowland

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
Helen Rowland

Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.
Helen Rowland

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
Helen Rowland

Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless; peacocks and lilies for instance.
John Ruskin

The man who accepts the laissez-faire doctrine would allow his garden to grow wild so that roses might fight it out with the weeds and the fittest might survive.
John Ruskin

Fashion is something barbarous for it produces innovation without reason and imitation without benefit.
George Santayana

Contract: an agreement that is binding on the weaker party.*
*Attribution questionable.
Frederick Sawyer

Father's Day was comical in part because fathers seemed so out of place or uncomfortable in this holiday world of sentimental gifts and domestic flattery. The little remembrances of flowers, cards, and novelties became funny when showered on Father; they opened up a line of humor that played on the gendered incongruities of holiday gift giving. As one editorial writer on the holiday put the matter in 1925, fathers have 'no talent for the fribbles and frabbles and furbelows with which Mother signalizes well-being.
Leigh Eric Schmidt

There's a time when you have to explain to your children why they're born, and it's a marvelous thing if you know the reason by then.
Hazel Scott

Please return this book; I find that though many of my friends are poor arithmeticians, they are nearly all good bookkeepers.
Walter Scott

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope, which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
Dr. Seuss

Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man has; but I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that does harm to my wit.
Twelfth Night
William Shakespeare

Alfred Hitchcock: One look at you, Mr Shaw, and I know there's famine in the land.
Bernard Shaw: One look at you, Mr Hitchcock, and I know who caused it.

George Bernard Shaw

The natural term of the affection of the human animal for its offspring is six years.
George Bernard Shaw

What God hath joined together no man shall ever put asunder; God will take care of that.
George Bernard Shaw

What if the child inherits my beauty and your brains?
George Bernard Shaw

Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you.
Spoken to a young lady.
Richard Sheridan

I can't stand whispering. Every time a doctor whispers in the hospital, next day there's a funeral.
Neil Simon

Inconsistency is the only thing in which men are consistent.
Horace Smith

Gentlemen, you are now about to embark on a course of studies which will occupy you for two years. Together, they form a noble adventure. But I would like to remind you of an important point. Nothing that you will learn in the course of your studies will be of the slightest possible use to you in after life, save only this, that if you work hard and intelligently you should be able to detect when a man is talking rot, and that, in my view, is the main, if not the sole, purpose of education.
John Alexander Smith

Nothing that you will learn in the course of your studies will be of the slightest possible use to you in after life - save only this - that if you work hard and intelligently you should be able to detect when a man is talking rot, and that, in my view, is the main, if not the sole, purpose of education.
John Alexander Smith

Most people sell their souls and live with a good conscience on the proceeds.
Logan Pearsall Smith

Going to marry her! Impossible! You mean a part of her; he could not marry her all himself ... There is enough of her to furnish wives for a whole parish ... You might people a colony with her; or give an assembly with her; or perhaps take your morning's walk round her, always provided there were frequent resting-places, and you were in rude health.
Sydney Smith

Modesty is the only sure bait when you angle for praise.
Philip Stanhope

The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.
Philip Stanhope

I wish either my father or my mother, or indeed both of them, as they were in duty both equally bound to it, had minded what they were about when they begot me.
Laurence Sterne

I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
Adlai Stevenson

I suppose flattery hurts no one - that is, if he doesn't inhale.
Adlai Stevenson

A diplomat ... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Caskie Stinnett

There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up.
Rex Stout

Family! ... the home of all social evil, a charitable institution for comfortable women, an anchorage for house-fathers, and a hell for children.
August Strindberg

I loathe people who keep dogs. They're cowards who have not got the guts to bite people themselves.
August Strindberg

There should be some professional exam for these analysts. Most of the time they talk through their backsides.
Alan Sugar

There are three things I always forget. Names, faces, and - the third I can't remember.
Italo Svevo

He was a bold man that first eat an oyster.
Jonathan Swift

There are few wild beasts more to be dreaded than a talking man having nothing to say.
Jonathan Swift

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
Thomas Szasz

Nothing grows in our garden, only washing. And babies.
Dylan Thomas

Boys are perhaps beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of eighteen months and ninety years.
James Thurber

Ah well, I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His work must be contemplated with respect.
Mark Twain

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Mark Twain

Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.
Mark Twain

An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.
Mark Twain

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
Mark Twain

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
Mark Twain

He had had much experience of physicians, and said the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not.
Mark Twain

I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.
Mark Twain

I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it, but I couldn't find honest employment.
Mark Twain

I don't mind what the opposition say of me, so long as they don't tell the truth about me; but when they descend to telling the truth about me, I consider that is taking an unfair advantage.
Mark Twain

I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me - I always feel that they have not said enough.
Mark Twain

I have never taken any exercise, except for sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. Exercise is loathsome.
Mark Twain

I never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Mark Twain

I take my only exercise acting as pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.
Mark Twain

I was born modest, but it didn't last.
Mark Twain

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain

In the matter of diet - I have been persistently strict in sticking to the things that didn't agree with me until one or the other of us got the best of it.
Mark Twain

It is a free press ... There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press.
Mark Twain

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart; the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.
Mark Twain

July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.
Mark Twain

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to charity, wait, and count to forty. To save three-quarters, count sixty. To save it all, count sixty-five.
Mark Twain

The lack of money is the root of all evil.
Mark Twain

That is just the way of the world; an enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.
Mark Twain

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain

It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
Gore Vidal

Never have children, only grandchildren.
Gore Vidal

Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.
Gore Vidal

My prayer to God is a very short one: O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. God has granted it.
Voltaire

Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called inbreeding, from which comes idiot children and more lawyers.
David Wayne

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
Mae West

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Mae West

After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.
Oscar Wilde

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
Oscar Wilde

Be careful to choose your enemies well. Friends don't much matter. But the choice of enemies is very important.
Oscar Wilde

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.
Oscar Wilde

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.
Oscar Wilde

Divorces are made in heaven.
Oscar Wilde

Examinations are of no value whatsoever. If a man is a gentleman, he knows quite enough, and if he is not a gentleman, whatever he knows is bad for him.
Oscar Wilde

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
Oscar Wilde

Experience was of no ethical value. It was merely the name men gave to their mistakes.
Oscar Wilde

Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear.
Oscar Wilde

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.
Oscar Wilde

I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. I have not one who is a fool. They are all men of some intellectual power, and consequently they all appreciate me.
Oscar Wilde

I like hearing myself talk. It is one of my greatest pleasures. I often have long conversations with myself, and I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde

I only care to see doctors when I am in perfect health; then they comfort one, but when one is ill they are most depressing.
Oscar Wilde

In examinations the foolish ask questions that the wise cannot answer.
Oscar Wilde

Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious: both are disappointed.
Oscar Wilde

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
Oscar Wilde

One should always play fairly - when one has the winning cards.
Oscar Wilde

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties.
Oscar Wilde

The only possible form of exercise is to talk, not to walk.
Oscar Wilde

There is much to be said in favour of modern journalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.
Oscar Wilde

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
Oscar Wilde

To lose one parent...may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.
Oscar Wilde

To make a good salad is to be a brilliant diplomatist - the problem is entirely the same in both cases. To know how much oil one must mix with one's vinegar.
Oscar Wilde

When I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.
Oscar Wilde

When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself; and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.
Oscar Wilde

When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong.
Oscar Wilde

Young men want to be faithful and are not; old men want to be faithless and are not.
Oscar Wilde

I've met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.
Billy Wilder

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; and now I have six children, and no theories.
John Wilmot

You cannot hope to bribe or twist (thank God!) the British journalist. But, seeing what the man will do unbribed, there's no occasion to.
Humbert Wolfe

All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Alexander Woollcott

An ambassador is an honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.
Henry Wotton

The physician can bury his mistakes, but the architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Frank Lloyd Wright

Be wise with speed; a fool at forty is a fool indeed.
Edward Young

My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts eating.
Henny Youngman

Now she's on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight. But she can climb a tree!
Henny Youngman

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman

  Future (3)
Accountants and market researchers may be brilliant at examining and analysing facts about the past, but they have no forward vision.
Terence Conran

I am captivated more by dreams of the future than by history of the past.
Thomas Jefferson

An author is a fool who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on boring future generations.
Montesquieu